Ghost Hunters: Releasing What Doesn’t Serve You

Do you favour the glittery anticipation of Christmas, or cheery Easter as it invites the renewal and re-birth that mark spring? Maybe you’re a romantic and Valentines Day is your thing. Personally, I like Halloween. Maybe it’s because during this holiday, things are not what they seem — a metaphoric reflection of life’s continuous dance between cynicism and joy. There is something about the blurred lines between merriment and macabre that I can’t get enough of.


Originating from the Celtic festival Samhain (pronounced saw-in), it marked the end of summer and November 1st, the start of winter and increased darkness: a time when the number of people who died rose significantly. The Celts believed that on the evening of October 31st, as summer gave way to winter, the boundaries that separate the realms of both living and the dead became indistinct, allowing ghosts to walk among the living, to not only foretell what was to come, but to also cause trouble. So, the Celts lit bonfires and wore costumes to disguise themselves from the ghosts. And over time, ghosts, demons, and others became associated with this time of year. No matter how Samhain has changed over the centuries to become contemporary Halloween, our lives are still affected by the appearance of ghosts.



Are you living with the undetected ghosts of past experiences, opinions, and broken beliefs? Left unchecked, these personal ghosts, like the ghosts of Samhain, not only foretell what is to come for us, they can cause trouble. From the birth, we take in the world around us, and from our perception of the world. We are given cultural norms and family values. They need be neither good nor bad. Simply a reflection of collective, the cultural values that persist until we collectively begin to decide they don’t serve us.


I, personally, grapple with the ghost of a cultural and family value that does not serve me. The imbalanced division of domestic chores that still exists within my household—and many others—despite both partners working. Like many women I know—though, admittedly not all—I am responsible for a majority of the household chores. I am not saying that my husband does nothing to help, nor it is at his demand that I take these chores on. The crux of it originates from the ghosts of unspoken values I inherited from my mother and grandmothers. Meanings I took from their generations about what it is to be a wife and a mother. And, although it took me time to see it, I recognize that in my darkest, least conscious moments, I hand my self value over to my ability to meet the standards set by these unconscious beliefs. And in doing so, I can morph into an Ogre, stealing the peace of not only my husband and children, but also my own for the sake of something, that in the end, does not serve me. When I take a minute to maintain sanity and perspective, I realize that it is not because I am a woman and it is expected. It is that my husband simply doesn’t experience the same pressure and judgement that I put on myself about something as trivial as how many pairs of worn socks lay outside the laundry basket. That isn’t to say he doesn’t feel his own gender driven pressures about self-value. His just aren’t dangling precariously from the dusty cobweb lurking by the front door.



The way people interact with us, which also shapes our image of who we are, is so often based on a myriad of personal attributes like gender, race, socio-economic status, even height, weight, or eye and hair colour. Do blondes really have more fun? I’m a brunette and I’m not convinced. Our acceptance or rejection of all this information shapes and affects us. When my youngest daughter was six, someone told her in jest that she was a “human garbage can”. And for whatever reason, she decided to adopt that persona, offering to polish off people’s leftovers at every opportunity. Seeing it for what it was, and knowing that belief would not serve her confidence nor her health, I quickly redirected that one. But mom isn’t always there, and sometimes we don’t see a dysfunctional meaning we’ve accepted—even when it consistently causes chaos. “Smart but lazy”, “stubborn”, “not capable”, “quiet”, “bossy”. There are so many labels we may have accepted, and many may be ingrained so deeply within ourselves that we don’t see them anymore.



Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a cosmetic surgeon, describes in his book, Psycho-Cybernetics, how he first noticed his patients’ self-esteem and judgement of their own level of attractiveness had little or nothing to do with their physical appearance. It was, instead, entirely based on the image they held of themselves. How people feel about themselves and who they believe they are is reflected outwards. If there are goals and dreams you struggle over and over to achieve, and you are not getting the results you want, look at the image you hold about yourself. You will not dazzle your friends if you believe you are boring. You will not receive recognition if you believe you are not appreciated. Decide who you want to be, then find what’s holding you back.


Hints about our own ghosts lurk within negative feelings.



• You never feel amazing when you believe you’re inadequate or unappreciated. I know I don’t feel good when I’m furious about vacuuming.


Ask yourself what the differences are between who you are now and the person who accomplishes your goals.


• What do you do differently?


• How do you feel about yourself?


• How do other people feel about you?


Don’t make the mistake of waiting for the world to tell you that you can accomplish your goal before you start believing you are the person that can. Successful American businesswoman Barbara Corcoran explains that “Every great entrepreneur has a crystal-clear picture of who they want to be. It’s more powerful than a business plan and a lot easier to follow”.


• Write down the qualities you want down and work to embody them. Read the list every night before bed if you need a little extra push.


• Become aware of your internal dialogue when things get uncomfortable.


When we understand that the results we get in life are a direct reflection of what we accept about ourselves and what believe about the world, we take hold of the ability to discard them and grow beyond them. This is where we can find gratitude for our faults and failures. They offer the Keys to the Kingdom. If the movie Forest Gump should have taught us anything, it is that other people’s opinions don’t dictate our ability to affect great change on the world. Only we can do that. You are the only perception in your reality. The only ghosts to haunt you should be the ones you’re giving candy. Because outside evaluations don’t matter unless you let them influence your perception of yourself. You are the only perception in your reality, and only you can decide who you are.



Originally published as a guest post on Soaring Free blog https://nijahope.wordpress.com/2019/10/



#change #anxiety


© live in vibrancy | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED | TERMS & CONDITIONS | SITE BY FUNNEL GORGEOUS